Sexual desire is tied to our mental, emotional, and physical health. If you’re not getting the sex you want, you may be neglecting one or more of these areas of your life. You may need to take some steps to rekindle the spark in your relationship.
Elite Daily recently published an article describing seven things you can change to improve your sex life. Exercise, eating healthy, and getting enough sleep are all important aspects of self care that can make you more receptive to and interested in sex. Creating an inviting bedroom environment is also an important consideration.
Related story: “Does Your Bedroom Need an Erotic Makeover?”
I was particularly gratified to see some of the other suggestions, including focusing on the erotic aspect of your relationship, talking to your partner about sex outside of the bedroom, and masturbating.
Focus on the Erotic
It’s so easy to fall into a comfortable routine once the excitement of the courtship phase fades away. Many couples wind up relying on maintenance sex to keep their relationship connected and erotic.
Maintenance sex is what I define as sex on a Tuesday — not a lot of energy or imagination, using the same positions, maybe more obligatory than passionate. You might think of it as “roll-over sex” — it is fine or good, but maybe not great or amazing.
Without maintenance sex, couples can find themselves in low-sex/no-sex relationships (defined as sexual intercourse fewer than 11 times a year).
One of the ways out of this dilemma is to devote focused energy on the erotic connection between you. Interact with your partner the way you did when you were dating, when everything was new, hot, and exciting. Send flirty messages throughout the day. Schedule a sex date night every week and do everything you can to keep that date. Make your sex life a priority and make the time you set aside for sex sacred.
Masturbate for a Good Sex Life
It’s true that masturbation is healthy, both for you and for your sex life. As mentioned in the Elite Daily piece, masturbation can “…help you learn to communicate better in bed (which will be great for your partner) and it’s also good for your health — your heart, immune system, and mood.”
Related story: “Are You Killing Your Sex Life?”
Talk To Your Partner
Some suggestions to improve your sex life can be relatively easy to put into practice. If it is proving more difficult than you imagined, sometimes the best approach is to find a professional who can guide you and your partner through the more difficult work of reconnecting. A sex and couples therapist can teach you different, more effective problem solving techniques and sexier communication styles. It’s true that sex is often a casualty of relationship problems. If you’re not talking, if you’re having problems, this can translate into a boring bedroom.
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My approach helps you learn a dialogue that can lead you through the raw, open, honest, and safe conversations that you need to increase the passion in your relationship.
Never been to therapy? My sessions include Sex Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy, and focus on shifting from blame to empathy. Instead of blindly reacting to the triggering behaviors of your partner, you can learn to understand both yourself and your partner.
Related story: “Communication is Key to Having More Sex”
This understanding can lead to a deeper, more intimate connection. Once you feel intimately connected, then the sexual intimacy between you can blossom. Follow these tips and you will rekindle the spark.