The NY Times called Dr. Tammy Nelson “…a renegade of couples therapy.”
When You’re The One Who Cheats: Ten Things You Need to Know is a book for anyone having an affair or indiscretion of any kind and who is confused, unsure, and looking for answers.
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Find the clarity you need to create a joyful life
and a relationship that works for you.
This book can help. It helps the cheating partner decide if they should end their affair or their marriage. It can help anyone who has ever had an affair or is in recovery from the affair. No matter how you use this book, reading the advice, and doing some of these simple exercises will give you hope.
Throughout When You’re The One Who Cheats: Ten Things You Need to Know you’ll find nonjudgmental explanations, advice, and a non-pathological view of infidelity, in all its permutations. It’s time to evaluate your situation and make some choices.
In this latest work by Dr. Tammy Nelson you will:
- Read real-life stories about why people cheat
- Get advice about what to do next
- Learn how to face the truth in yourself
Dr. Tammy says, “In this book, there are lots of stories from people who talked with me about their personal experiences, all of them cheaters. Some found solace in an outside relationship, some regretted it. Many make it work and are still with both their inside and outside partner. Their honesty and courage helped me gain perspective and understand the truth about infidelity – that it can be a way to stay in a marriage and a way to get out.”
Dr. Tammy says, “In this book, there are lots of stories from people who talked with me about their personal experiences, all of them cheaters. Some found solace in an outside relationship, some regretted it. Many make it work and are still with both their inside and an outside partner. Their honesty and courage helped me gain perspective and understand the truth about infidelity – that it can be a way to stay in a marriage and a way to get out.”
There’s advice in this book and practical exercises along with questionnaires designed to help you make crucial life decisions, along with dialogues and checklists. Find valuable and clearly laid-out worksheets with steps to follow if you want to heal.
From the book:
If you stop and honestly consider what you were thinking prior to cheating, you may find that “Yes, I had been thinking about doing this for quite a while.” It’s rare for people to cheat without some prior consideration or forethought or planning. The decision to cheat usually comes well before the actual cheating. Even if you tell yourself the cheating is impulsive – the affair was most premeditated.
What should you tell your spouse? Don’t share the details of the affair trying to find absolution, trying to let go of your own shame and guilt. Don’t confess as a means to let go of the burden you’ve been keeping.
An affair can wake up a new part of you. The passionate part of you didn’t “awake” with your affair partner. Yes, an affair can make you feel sexier; you might find you masturbate more, you desire sexier clothes, you feel younger, you start working out, you get a better hairstyle. This doesn’t happen because you met someone new. It happens because you are someone new.
TEN THINGS EVERY CHEATER SHOULD KNOW
ONE: You’re the One Who Cheated
TWO: It Doesn’t Matter Why You Did It
THREE: Tell or Don’t, but Don’t Blame Your Spouse
FOUR: Stop Saying I’m Sorry
FIVE: Sometimes It’s Just Chemistry
SIX: Sometimes It’s a Mistake
SEVEN: Sometimes You Fall in Love
EIGHT: You Can Stay or Go
NINE: Create a New Vision
TEN: Can you really have it all?