What do relationships look like in 2017? We have new names for the old ideas of marriage, monogamy, desire and attachment that hint at the future of relationships – and The New Monogamy may surprise you.
Couples are negotiating monogamy in new ways, defining fidelity through transparency and disclosure rather than by maintaining sexual fidelity to one partner. Perhaps this is a reflection of low sexual desire in long term relationships or a generational response to high rates of infidelity. Infidelity in marriage is reported to be at 55% for women and 65% for men. Who are these men and women who insist on multiple partners and what does this mean culturally? Is marriage changing to accommodate a new definition of fidelity or is this just a blip on the screen of sexual mores, like swinging was in the 70s? What does this mean for the future of sex and love?
Everyone has their own concept of what “monogamy” means, but couples rarely discuss exactly what their monogamy agreement means to them. What happens when this implicit agreement is broken with an affair? Relationships can become strained as both partners lose trust and faith in each other.
The New Monogamy offers a way out of these difficulties for couples who are struggling to stay together after infidelity. The New Monogamy helps couples re-make implicit assumptions and agreements into explicit agreements so that each partner knows exactly what is expected of them in the future and what they can expect from their partner.
Join Tammy for individually designed couples intensive sessions,
This “new monogamy” demands a more mature type of communication, where a couple will negotiate and create a monogamy agreement that helps the couple’s connection remain strong, but allows for outside attachments, as long as those attachments or connections don’t threaten the primary marriage or committed partnership.
Kind of like having your cake and eating it too?
And why not? Who doesn’t love cake?
Each couple works together to decide what type of monogamy will work for them to create a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. It takes a special couple to maintain this level of intimacy.
It is a new form of monogamy, not your grandma’s kind. It doesn’t demand a label, and you don’t have to tell your parents. This can be a form of open relationship, or what some people call polyamory. Others refer to it as non-monogamy. Whatever you want to call it in your relationship, is up to you.
Polyamory and sexually open relationships are happening all around us. Polyamory, from the Greek, ‘poly’ meaning ‘many’ and the Latin ‘amour’ meaning ‘love,’ simply defined means ‘many loves.’
An arrangement between two adults who are committed to making a marriage or partnership work, should include any rules that work for them.
Can you have a conversation with your partner about these ideas? What is sexual fidelity to you? What does it mean to have a new monogamy relationship? Does it mean something different to you now than it meant ten years ago? Will it mean something different going forward?
Opening up a dialogue with your partner can free both of you. You can have many different relationships within the lifetime of your marriage or committed partnership, and they can all be with the same person. There is a wealth of possibilities between you.
Try my new monogamy questions in my book, The New Monogamy, for ideas on how to begin or pursue this type of dialogue today. Write me for more information or to receive a free copy of the New Monogamy Questions for your dialogue today.
After the Affair: Reinventing Your Sexual Relationship
Dr. Spring and Dr. Nelson teach a model focused on healing, and creating and reinventing an erotic connection after the hurt and betrayal of infidelity. After an affair, partners may struggle to come together sexually, to find trust and safety and … Read More
AUTOGRAPHED copy of The New Monogamy
The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity “The New Monogamy takes an honest look at infidelity and illustrates a clear path towards healing after an affair.” — John Gray, Ph.D., best-selling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus … Read More
Create Your New Monogamy Agreement
This course leads you through a step by step process that will open up your relationship to new and thrilling ideas, discussions and maybe even new ways to live out your fantasies. If you are looking to create a more exciting, passionate and sustainable monogamous relationship or if you are recovering from an affair or cyber infidelity, this teleseminar will help you with both.
CyberSex – Sex and Technology 3-part Series
Tammy Nelson PhD & the top experts in the field explore the new wave of relationship challenges, the digital flow of our connections, parenting in the new age of easy access and the internet access to alternative forms of sex all around us, as well as the positive methods for divorce and unconventional relationship endings.
Integrative Sex and Couples Therapy Training – San Diego
Dr. Tammy Nelson is the featured speaker on integrative sex and couples therapy at the STEM program in San Diego, CA. Learn practical and theoretical interventions, what is normal in relationships and contemporary theories of relationship and sex therapy.
Monogamy: Making It Work – How to Recover From Affairs and Stay Faithful
Follow the path through erotic recovery to a new monogamy through a new vision to a new relationship. Are you struggling to navigate your own relationship? Or do you watch your clients struggle to stay together and stay monogamous, remain passionate or even try to recover from affairs? This course will help. The new monogamy is a fresh look at relationships with a view at our history, what works now and what isn’t helping.
New Monogamy: Finding Poly
5 session eLearn experience examines the concept of a “new monogamy”, the expectation of monogamy as the foundation or the reason for marriage, research on non-monogamy relationship models, polyamory and the whole family, and the real life implications of multiple partners.