Privacy Versus Secrecy; What’s the Difference?

Secrecy and privacy are different, and understanding these differences may be crucial in your relationship. 

For instance, what if you think that talking to a friend of the opposite sex on the phone or having lunch together is simply a part of your private life and doesn’t need to be shared with your spouse?  You are not purposely keeping it from them, but what if they find out? 

Will they feel that you were keeping the information from them?  Put yourself in their shoes for a moment; how do you think they will feel?  Will they assume that you were hiding something from them?  And if this misunderstanding comes between you, will you feel that every time you have lunch with a friend you will have to call your partner and tell them? 

Will you resent having to ask permission to be with your friends?   Will your partner feel guilty and resent you for making them feel like your parent?

This is exactly what happened to Rob and Melissa.   Melissa failed to share with Rob that she had a friend at work, Mike, with whom she enjoyed many long and talkative lunches with during the week.  She was afraid that if she told Rob he would make more of it then there was. …


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