Monogamy? Can it work?

How many people cheat? In 2002 studies revealed that  50-60% of married men and 45-55% of married women engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship.  That means about half of all men and women will have an affair at some point –

 Why do so many people cheat?  For several reasons – both developmental and cultural reasons but it doesnt always have to mean the end of the marriage.

 Why do people stay?  Sometimes an affair is a wake up call in the marriage.  It can shake the very foundations of a relationship, and many times that may be what it takes for a couple to pay attention and start working on their marriage or partnership.

 Why would a woman stay with a husband who has cheated?  Just because someone betrays you doesn’t mean you stop loving them.  Couples can move past forgiveness to a “new monogamy” and begin a whole new – sometimes more rewarding – relationship.

 How does Hollywood mirror our everyday relationships, or does it?  Hollywood couples are under a microscope, the pressure of constant scrutiny makes their behavior seem different than the rest of us.  But is it?  Or are they just acting out in the same ways the rest of us do?  If you had paparazzi following you around,  what would you get caught doing?

 Why do high profile sports figures and politicians get caught? 
Every day we see another high profile person in the news getting caught having an affair, and we all seem so shocked (and relieved it isn’t us).   Is there a particular pressure that real success and stardom brings that leads to infidelity?

When someone leaves their partner for their lover, does it work out?

75% of those who marry the lovers they leave their partners get divorced.  Reality hits, and the guilt makes it hard to stay.  Plus they never really trust the lover that they cheated with.

 Is monogamy natural to us as humans?

Studies show that humans have to choose to make a commitment to their spouse.  Monogamy is better for us as parents, it makes us more creative and helps us physically.  But we’re not hardwired for it.  Monogamy is a choice we make every day.  Or not. 


For more info on how to stay together after an affair – email me

Dr Tammy Nelson



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