A couple came to one of my couples retreats. She was the dragger. He was the dragee.
She was nervous. He did not want to be there. We went around the room and the couples introduced themselves. Lots of people said they had better things to do than sit in a room and talk about their relationship issues.
I told them no one would have to share anything in front of the group. They would do all of their talking in private. All of the nervous partners exhaled.
But they would have to work on their relationship. They would have to talk to each other. They would have to touch. And in between, there would be good food. Oh, and a spa.
At the end of the day, the woman who had dragged her partner in thanked me. He cried and gave me a giant hug. He said he had never been happier. That it had been a hard day and one of the best things he had ever done.
The next morning, I saw the couple at breakfast. They looked at me shyly as I passed the table. He reached out and took my hand and whispered, “Thank you.”
It is an honor to have such a deep and lasting impact on a marriage. Some of the couples took the time to write to me about their experiences. Here are their words:
The…couple’s retreat was a breakthrough moment for my relationship. The weekend was thoughtfully crafted to allow us (my partner and I) gradually to go deeper together, revealing new parts of ourselves to each other in a safe space. One of my favorite activities of the day was the appreciation ‘flooding’ technique which we still continue to practice today.
I remember this exercise. The look on the face of each partner as they tried to take in the kind words and love of their partner. You would think this would be an easy exercise. It’s not. It can be hard to receive love.
By the end of the day, we had completed a range of physical, spiritual and mindful activities and felt well equipped to process the evening as a couple. Beyond uncovering sexual fantasies we had dived into an annual review of our relationship and learned how to truly empathize with each other – a game-changing method when it comes to working through arguments.
Intimacy and connection. They go together. When was the last time you talked about what you really desire? It can be hard, it can feel raw, and it can be exciting. In the retreat, we learn how to share what we really want, without shame, and with an atmosphere of empathy and acceptance.
It was clear Tammy had curated the group mindfully. The other couples we shared space with were all open and no one had any challenge ‘dropping in’ to the day. I think this is largely due to the fact that Tammy, and if you have worked with her before you would know, is a master at holding space for people. It was amazing to see two of the men who were initially resistant when walking through the door in the morning, high-fiving the progress at the end of the day. Hearing other couples talk about their relationships was also really valuable in helping us see our own issues, and surprisingly not awkward as I had imagined it would be.
It amazes me how quickly couples grow to accept and support one another in this environment. I cried watching them at lunch, tell stories and become friends. Others took their meals to a private space on the grounds, and shared alone time under the trees.
As for the surrounds, the Norwich Inn & Spa was an idyllic location. As a group, we spent the day in a gorgeous cottage next to the Inn. The room had a warm log fire, enough space to talk in private and catered meals to keep us going through to happy hour! Retiring to our own rooms at the Inn for the evening was just the pampering I needed with a big bed, delicious food and a care package from Tammy. Three weeks on, I still look back at this as the most transformational day of 2017.
If you, too, would like to experience the kind of growth and breakthrough in your relationship, I believe a couple’s retreat creates an environment for deep transformation. I have seen it. I have been witness to miracles.
Please consider joining me for my next Couples Retreat in Norwich, CT.
We will gather at the Spa at Norwich Inn on October 13 and 14. This lovely and romantic setting is perfect for working on, repairing, or rebooting your relationship.
Create a Revolution in your Relationship. Evolve to the next level.
And have some great food, enjoy th epool and sauna, and get a spa treatment, too!
I hope you’ll join us.
If you have the opportunity to go I would highly encourage you to go, and surrender fully, knowing Tammy is there to offer gentle direction and love to you personally, but also as your #1 cheerleader for growth in your relationship.
Although my early registration discount deadline was officially September 1, by reading to this end of this post, you’ve earned your own discount. Register today and input the coupon code “BlogLove” to get $50 off.
Commit to putting your relationship first, to make the love last.