My upcoming book, “The New Monogamy” is a guide for singles and couples who want to decide what monogamy means to them. In our current environment of internet sex, pornography and the resurgence of swinging over recent years, more couples then ever are challenging our traditional concept of monogamy to include outside sexual experiences that may or may not include their partner.
In a recent article in the New York Times Magazine, Dan Savage, a non-therapist expert on relationships and sex and producer of his podcast series “Savage Love” says that monogamy should be negotiated in a partnership. Even though the title of the article was: “Infidelity Keeps Us Together” the article did not promote infidelity but rather supported alternative lifestyles for both straight and gay couples today.
Infidelity is still rampant and a contributing factor in almost 80% of divorces, according to the AMLA. If affairs are breaking us up, can the new monogamy keep us together?
After an affair many couples break up without exploring more deeply what the infidelity meant and also what it means for a future together. What constitutes cheating in your relationship? Talk about it now before you realize that you may have different experiences of monogamy.
Is flirting on Facebook cheating? Is having webcam sex cheating? Is going to strip clubs cheating? Is masturbation cheating? How about having sex with someone else, but doing it together. Is going out to lunch with an intimate friend an emotional affair?
All of these questions and more should be asked. Talk to your partner today and see if you can broach the subject of what monogamy truly means to them.
For more info on how to create a new monogamy agreement, stay tuned or go to www.drtammynelson.com for more info.
Dr Tammy Nelson
Leave a Reply