Dr Joe Kort, sex therapist and addiction specialist writes about sex addiction this week for the Huffington Post.
A new book is coming out titled, The Myth of Sexual Addiction, by David J. Ley. In it he talks about how sexual addiction is not real. I disagree. While it is true that sexual behaviors get labeled as sexual addiction when they are not, and that sexual addiction may not be the best label for out-of-control sexual behavior, the fact remains that those suffering with out-of-control sexual behavior do exist.
Being certified as both a sexual addiction specialist and sex therapist lets me assess whether or not someone is actually addicted to sex. The main symptoms are loss of control, failed attempts to stop the unwanted sexual behavior, and a pattern of negative consequences such as anxiety, depression, legal troubles, sexually transmitted diseases, and relationship problems.
The model of sexual addiction and compulsivity disorder has generated controversy in and outside the gay community. Some say that using this model makes sexual behavior seem “bad” and denies enjoying positive sexual experiences with as many people as one likes, any way one wants. But it doesn’t demonize sexual activities unless they involve adults being sexual with children, or ignoring someone’s limits against their will, such as in the case of rape. Nor does it judge people who enjoy a variety of sexual desires, partners, and behavior. In fact, sexual addiction is not about sex at all — it’s about suffering and unhealed trauma that has become eroticized.
The other misconception is that people use sexual addiction as an alibi for their behavior. People who label themselves as sexual addicts to excuse their actions won’t stay in therapy for very long. Those who really want to get better are more likely to. In gay male culture, sexual openness is both a privilege and a curse. It’s fortunate that as gay men, we can make our own guidelines without feeling bound by heterosexist norms. Our male-only culture can ignore many of the rules that guide straight men’s behavior, such as courting, flirting, and the essential need to get to know a woman before sex of any kind occurs.
READ THE REST OF THE ARTICLE HERE at the Huff Post
Go to https://drtammynelson.com/live_teleclasses/ to join the upcoming teleclass with Dr Joe Kort and Dr Tammy Nelson on Sex Addiction; Is it Real?
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