I have a new article on HuffPost, “A New Monogamy”:
In a recent article in The Wall Street Journal, “How Couples Stay Together After An Affair“, columnist Elizabeth Bernstein advises couples that want to stay together after an affair to stay calm and to put aside anger. Other experts in the article say to apologize twice, end the affair, and accept that your partner will be suspicious.
Recommendations include do everything together, have fun, and don’t tell anyone.
When I work with couples after infidelity, there are three identifiable stages that they all experience in my office. The first phase is shock. This stage happens after an affair is discovered or disclosed when everyone is in crisis; no long-term decisions about staying or going should be made at all…
As the crisis period starts to calm, I tell couples that they are now experiencing the Insight Stage. This is when both partners try to figure out what happened, and as they have more understanding, they take more responsibility and they learn to communicate…
In stage three, the Vision stage, couples begin to talk about ways to create a new vision of their marriage going forward. They realize there is no going back, and they renegotiate their relationship to begin, instead, a whole new marriage going forward. Their old rules didn’t work for them, and they for sure don’t want to end up again where they are now.
I have a new book in the works titled The New Monogamy, it will be published later this year. Look for more details soon!
Follow me on Twitter at @DrTammyNelson