Read Tammy Nelson’s expert opinion in this article by Bettyconfidential.com’s Amber Madison on Why women lose interest in the bedroom and what they can do to improve their sex lives!
Why Women Lose Interest in Sex….and what can be done about it!
Oh the beginning … just the touch of his hand makes you want to go at it on every surface in your apartment. But soon enough, things settle down and you’re content enough to keep it contained to the bedroom. And then, even your pillow-top, memory foam Tempropedic isn’t seeing any action. If you’re like many women, your relationship is pressing on, but your sex drive seems to be left in the dust. Why does this happen? Are women falling out of love? Or just out of sex? The following are the top three reasons women stop wanting sex, and what you can do to regain your libido.
Problem #1: It was “the spark” that lit your fire.
According to Tammy Nelson, psychotherapist and author of Getting The Sex You Want, as we’re falling in love, “we feel an attraction to someone that is primarily directed by brain chemistry. The spike in hormones and an intense release of dopamine, serotonin and adrenalin gives us that in love sensation that’s characterized by compulsive thoughts and sexual attraction.” In laymen’s terms, all those feelings of euphoria and the excitement of a new guy makes you want it – bad. Then, as the initial excitement wears off, and you become more used to the relationship, there’s not as much spark to ignite your sex drive.
Solution: While there may be no way to recreate the initial excitement of a new relationship (it’s just not the same once you’ve farted in front of each other), you can recreate the newly dating sex. Have sex in a new place, in a new way, with a new toy, while watching a hot video, or while wearing something sexy. Nelson also suggests sharing your fantasies with each other and veering away from ordinary sex.
Problem #2: The daily downs and disappointments of your relationship have worn away your desire.
In a long term relationship, being hurt, annoyed, or disappointed with your partner is inevitable. And after enough letdowns, having sex with the person who annoyed you may not be at the top of your to-do list. Then, “once you withhold sexually, he might act emotionally disconnected, since many men connect by having sex” explains Dr. Joy Davidson, New York based sex therapist and author of Fearless Sex. This little scenario leads to a self-perpetuating downward spiral: the less he shows his affection for you, the less you want to give physical affection to him.
Solution: Break the cycle! Talk with your guy about the ways you would like your relationship to be more affectionate (including the ways you could be more affectionate to him). Make romance a priority. And sometimes, even if you’re not 100 percent in the mood to have sex (but a little bit of interest is there), just do it. Like dragging yourself to the gym, it might seem like a lot of work, but you’ll always be happy you did.
Problem #3: And this is the big one … you’re having sex for him.
Maybe in the beginning you did it partly to please him, and now that you have him (and you’ve seen how he’s less than perfect) you’re no longer motivated to give it to him. Says Dr. Joy, “You were dependent on him, the romance, and the early honeymoon stage to drive sex, you never developed your own sexuality, and learned to dredge up the desire on your own.” But you should be having sex for you. Because it feels good for you. Because you get horny and you have orgasms.
Solution: Masturbate, fantasize, boss your man around in the bedroom and make sure he knows how to please you. Be sure you know how to bring yourself to an orgasm, and that when you have sex that that is a priority. “Be the creature of your desire, not just the object of desire,” advises Dr. Joy, “Sex is the reward for you. So even if you’re not feeling affectionate towards your spouse, you can certainly feel affectionate towards yourself. Sex shouldn’t be something you’re doing just for him.”
Maybe he didn’t do the dishes like he promised. But at least he can make it up to you later …
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