A sexless marriage is not hard to define. If you are in a marriage that clearly has not been erotic or sexual for long enough that both of you feel deprived, you can classify it as “sexless.”
How Sexless Marriages Develop
I recently gave my expert opinion on recognizing the signs that you may be headed toward (or already in) a sexless marriage.
Often it has been so long since you have had sex that it feels almost impossible to get back to it.
For some couples this may be several months, for others it can mean years.
What I call “sexual neglect” happens for many reasons.
However, the longer a couple goes without sex, the harder it can be to start up again.
When you go for long periods without sex, your body reduces the production of sex hormones that make you want sex.
So, the longer you go without sex, the more you feel you just aren’t into it at all anymore.
How You Can Reverse a Sexless Marriage
It works the other way around as well. Sex is the best aphrodisiac. The more sex you have, the more sex you want.
Having sex can jump-start your engine, allowing your body to begin reproducing more sexual hormones that can remind you that you like sex, enjoy making love, and want to do it more often.
Therefore, one way to end or reverse a sexless marriage is to make a plan and create an erotic date. It can be a daunting task. You may feel anxious that things will feel awkward, uncomfortable or that the night may not live up to your expectations.
That’s okay. Do it anyway. Put it on the calendar. But take some pressure off. You don’t have to have intercourse at all. On your first date night, you might just touch, take a shower together, or lay naked in bed and hold one another.
Remember what it feels like to be in each other’s arms. That’s all.
Reconnecting sexually doesn’t have to feel threatening. Take it one step at a time and enjoy the process.
Related story: “If You Don’t Make Time for Sex, You May Not Get It“
How Do You Know If You Are in a Sexless Marriage?
If you think you have a sexless marriage, talk to your partner. If you don’t know how to broach the subject, see a counselor or sex therapist and find ways to reconnect that can get your relationship back on track.