Lots of couples go through it.
Not everyone blogs about it. And very few post photos.
In a recent piece by Yolonda Jones, both blog and photos show how powerful and poignant the process of recovering from an affair can be, fore both partners.
Her words are raw and transparent. She writes directly about her devastation and what really happens in the wake of a betrayal.
She unpacks the rollercoaster of their ride through PTSD and how they both managed.
One of the most moving excerpts was this one:
“Broken open. Contents revealed. Container destroyed. Inner layers turned toward light. Shattered. Wounded. Fractured. Left swollen, bleeding, aching, sore, tender, raw, in anguish. And, in a divine way, this has been what I call the “necessary burning.” I think I’ve heard of farmers doing this to remove what has been growing and prepare the way for the plants that are about to come up. I wrote some place before: “When there’s devastation, there’s clearing away. When there’s clearing away, there is room. When there’s room, there is opportunity. …to breathe, to recalibrate, mourn loss, be grateful, breathe more, strategize, rethink, take inventory, study mistakes, celebrate accomplishments, build again and even build differently.”
This passage captures one of the themes of my work…it is possible to create something new and beautiful in the wake of tragedy. Devastation can be an opportunity to bring more intentionality and commitment to a relationship.
Jones and her partner used my book, The New Monogamy, to help them recover from their infidelity. She included in this article an incredible review of my book, along with suggestions to read it regardless of your preconceived notions of what the new monogamy might actually be about.
I appreciate her feedback and I am so glad to know it helped her and her partner repair their relationship.
If you’re struggling in the wake of a betrayal in your relationship, know that you have options.
As Jones says, “You always have at least one choice.”
And read my book. Contact me for a session. Talk to a friend. Talk to each other. Maybe just start with taking a deep breath…and know you’re not alone.