When You’re the One Who Cheats

The cheater finally has a voice in this exciting new book by Dr. Tammy Nelson. Learn why cheaters have affairs, get advice on whether to tell your partner about the affair and how to decide “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”. Tammy even helps the cheater end the affair with integrity, heal, and move forward to make the marriage work after the affair is over.

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When You're The One Who Cheats Ten Things You Need to Know infidelity adultery cheatingThe NY Times called Dr. Tammy Nelson “a renegade of couples therapy.”

Dr. Tammy Nelson takes on a tough topic – infidelity – and shares answers and challenges for the cheating person to handle the adultery and their decisions with integrity.

When You’re The One Who Cheats: Ten Things You Need to Know  is a book for anyone having an affair or indiscretion of any kind and who is confused, unsure and looking for answers. When you’re the one who cheats it can feel like you have no options.

This book can help. It helps the cheating partner decide if they should end their affair or their marriage, and it helps anyone who has ever had an affair and is in recovery from the affair. No matter how you use this book, if you read it and do some of the simple exercises provided, you’ll find answers. And you will realize that, yes, you do have options.

Throughout, When You’re The One Who Cheats: Ten Things You Need to Know provides nonjudgmental explanations, advice and a non-pathological view of infidelity, in all its permutations, to help you—the cheating partner—evaluate your situation and make some choices. There’s advice on helping you decide if you should tell your spouse, and how to figure out if you should stay in your marriage. The aim is to help you, the cheating partner, find clarity and make changes to create a joyful life that works.

In this latest work by Dr. Tammy Nelson you will:

  • Hear real-life stories from cheaters about how and why they cheated
  • Get advice for the cheater to figure out why they cheated
  • Examine the challenging question of what the cheater should tell their spouse and how to have that talk

Many couples and individuals have struggled with infidelity and its aftermath, and have the same pain and joy, hopes and dreams as the rest of us.  All of these men and women are represented here, their feelings cover the range of human experience.

The decision to cheat usually comes well before the actual cheating. Even if they tell themselves the cheating is impulsive – the affair has most likely been planned for a while. It’s rare for people to cheat without some prior consideration and without any forethought or planning.

In this book, there are lots of stories from people who talked with me about their personal experiences, all of them cheaters.  Some found solace in an outside relationship, some regretted it. Many make it work and are still with both their inside and an outside partner.  Their honesty and courage helped me gain perspective and understand the truth about infidelity – that it can be a way to stay in a marriage and a way to get out.

There’s advice in this book to help cheaters figure out why they cheated, and decide if they should tell their spouse about the affair, and clear instructions on how to have that difficult conversation. There are also practical exercises and questionnaires designed to help decide important matters such as “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” with dialogues and checklists to help determine how to “End Your Affair with Integrity,” and a section on how to decide if, instead, the outside partner is really the one.   Insider there are clearly laid-out worksheets and steps to follow if you want to heal, move forward and make the marriage work after the affair is over.

Many couples and individuals have struggled with infidelity and its aftermath, and have the same pain and joy, hopes and dreams as the rest of us.  All of these men and women are represented here, their feelings cover the range of human experience.

The decision to cheat usually comes well before the actual cheating. Even if they tell themselves the cheating is impulsive – the affair has most likely been planned for a while. It’s rare for people to cheat without some prior consideration and without any forethought or planning.

An affair can wake up a new part of you. The passionate part of you didn’t “awake” with your affair partner. Yes, an affair can make you feel sexier; you might find you masturbate more, you desire sexier clothes, you feel younger, you start working out, you get a better haircut. This doesn’t happen just because you met someone new. It happens because you are someone new.

What should you tell your spouse? Don’t share the details of the affair trying to find absolution, trying to let go of your own shame and guilt, don’t confess to let go of the burden you’ve been keeping.    

If you stop and honestly consider what you were thinking prior to cheating, you may find that, “Yes, I had been thinking about doing this for quite a while.” It’s rare for people to cheat without some prior consideration and without any forethought or planning.

Purchase When You’re The One Who Cheats on Amazon.com

TEN THINGS EVERY CHEATER SHOULD KNOW

ONE: You’re the One Who Cheated

TWO: It Doesn’t Matter Why You Did It

THREE: Tell or Don’t; but Don’t Blame Your Spouse

FOUR: Stop Saying I’m Sorry

FIVE: Sometimes It’s Just Chemistry

SIX: Sometimes It’s a Mistake

SEVEN: Sometimes You Fall in Love

EIGHT: You Can Stay or Go

NINE: Create a New Vision

TEN:   You Can Have It All

 

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