What do relationships look like in 2017?  We have new names for the old ideas of marriage, monogamy, desire and attachment that hint at the future of relationships – and The New Monogamy may surprise you.

Couples are negotiating monogamy in new ways, defining fidelity through transparency and disclosure rather than by maintaining sexual fidelity to one partner.  Perhaps this is a reflection of low sexual desire in long term relationships or a generational response to high rates of infidelity.  Infidelity in marriage is reported to be at 55% for women and 65% for men.  Who are these men and women who insist on multiple partners and what does this mean culturally?  Is marriage changing to accommodate a new definition of fidelity or is this just a blip on the screen of sexual mores, like swinging was in the 70s?  What does this mean for the future of sex and love?

Everyone has their own concept of what “monogamy” means, but couples rarely discuss exactly what their monogamy agreement means to them. What happens when this implicit agreement is broken with an affair? Relationships can become strained as both partners lose trust and faith in each other.

The New Monogamy offers a way out of these difficulties for couples who are struggling to stay together after infidelity. The New Monogamy helps couples re-make implicit assumptions and agreements into explicit agreements so that each partner knows exactly what is expected of them in the future and what they can expect from their partner.

Join Tammy for individually designed couples intensive sessions,

Change your agreements in The New Monogamy couples retreat!

This “new monogamy” demands a more mature type of communication, where a couple will negotiate and create a monogamy agreement that helps the couple’s connection remain strong, but allows for outside attachments, as long as those attachments or connections don’t threaten the primary marriage or committed partnership.

Kind of like having your cake and eating it too?
You betcha!
And why not? Who doesn’t love cake?

Each couple works together to decide what type of monogamy will work for them to create a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.  It takes a special couple to maintain this level of intimacy.

It is a new form of monogamy, not your grandma’s kind.  It doesn’t demand a label, and you don’t have to tell your parents. This can be a form of open relationship, or what some people call polyamory.  Others refer to it as non-monogamy. Whatever you want to call it in your relationship, is up to you.

Polyamory and sexually open relationships are happening all around us.  Polyamory, from the Greek, ‘poly’ meaning ‘many’ and the Latin ‘amour’ meaning ‘love,’ simply defined means ‘many loves.’

An arrangement between two adults who are committed to making a marriage or partnership work, should include any rules that work for them.

Can you have a conversation with your partner about these ideas?  What is sexual fidelity to you? What does it mean to have a new monogamy relationship?  Does it mean something different to you now than it meant ten years ago? Will it mean something different going forward?

Opening up a dialogue with your partner can free both of you. You can have many different relationships within the lifetime of your marriage or committed partnership, and they can all be with the same person.  There is a wealth of possibilities between you.

Try my new monogamy questions in my book, The New Monogamy, for ideas on how to begin or pursue this type of dialogue today.  Write me for more information or to receive a free copy of the New Monogamy Questions for your dialogue today.

Book Cover with banner "Signed"
AUTOGRAPHED copy of The New Monogamy

The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity   “The New Monogamy takes an honest look at infidelity and illustrates a clear path towards healing after an affair.”  — John Gray, Ph.D., best-selling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus … Read More

$25.00 Add to cart
Couples Therapy In-Office Session
Couples Therapy In-Office Session

Work with Tammy in the private space of her office. A neutral space and personal attention to your relationship can bring about the real change you’ve wanted.

$350.00$610.00 Select options
CyberSex – Sex and Technology 3-part Series
CyberSex – Sex and Technology 3-part Series

Tammy Nelson PhD & the top experts in the field explore the new wave of relationship challenges, the digital flow of our connections, parenting in the new age of easy access and the internet access to alternative forms of sex all around us, as well as the positive methods for divorce and unconventional relationship endings.

$149.00 Select options
Just Released with image of Date Night Card cover, light red conversation bubble on darker red with "Date Night"; two men in pajamas smiling and facing each other while sitting up next to each other on a bed, plaid pajama bottoms and solid blue and red tops.
Date Night Cards – Signed!

Your guidebook to exploring a new relationship. “Monogamy is no longer a simple concept,” says Dr. Nelson. Explore your ideal relationship agreement. Shipping Included!

$32.99 Select options
Individual Therapy In-Office Session
Individual Therapy In-Office Session

Online options available. Please inquire for sliding scale fees if desired.

$325.00$345.00 Select options
Open Monogamy – Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement recorded course.
Open Monogamy

Co-Create relationship agreements with Tammy Nelson, Ph.D. and examine your own biases and countertransference around non-traditional relationships. Recorded lecture at the Integrative Sex Therapy Institute. 2.5 CE credits (asynchronous)

$125.00 Add to cart
Open Monogamy (signed)
Open Monogamy (signed)

Your guidebook to exploring a new relationship. “Monogamy is no longer a simple concept,” says Dr. Nelson. Explore your ideal relationship agreement.   —Order unsigned copies via online reseller or your local bookshop.—

$21.99 Select options
The Future of Marriage Webinar
The Future of Marriage Webinar

Tammy Nelson PhD & the top experts in the field explore the new wave of relationship challenges, the digital flow of our connections, parenting in the new age of easy access and the internet access to alternative forms of sex all around us, as well as the positive methods for divorce and unconventional relationship endings.

$149.00 Select options
The New Monogamy Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity
The New Monogamy book

Everyone has their own concept of what “monogamy” means—and most people assume their partners and spouses are on the same page. Couples may assume that they are monogamous, but never discuss exactly what the monogamy agreement means to them. What … Read More

$23.95 Add to cart
The New Monogamy: Finding Poly
The New Monogamy: Finding Poly

5 session eLearn experience examines the concept of a “new monogamy”, the expectation of monogamy as the foundation or the reason for marriage, research on non-monogamy relationship models, polyamory and the whole family, and the real life implications of multiple partners.

$149.00 Add to cart
When You’re the One Who Cheats – Signed Copy
When You’re the One Who Cheats – Signed Copy

The cheater finally has a voice in this new book by Dr. Tammy Nelson. Learn why people cheat. Find out what to do about the affair. Decide when and if to tell your spouse.

It can be hard to end an affair. No matter what your friends tell you, cheating is a dilemma of choice. Here you can find expert advice on what to do and how to do it well.

If you decide you want to make your marriage work, Dr. Tammy helps you to handle your relationships with respect and integrity. Begin your healing process and start to move forward. Create a new future. You deserve a joyful life. Even cheaters have choices.

$24.99 Select options
When You’re the One Who Cheats – Softcover
When You’re the One Who Cheats – Softcover

The cheater finally has a voice in this new book by Dr. Tammy Nelson. Learn why people cheat. Find out what to do about the affair. Decide when and if to tell your spouse.

It can be hard to end an affair. No matter what your friends tell you, cheating is a dilemma of choice. Here you can find expert advice on what to do and how to do it well.

If you decide you want to make your marriage work, Dr. Tammy helps you to handle your relationships with respect and integrity. Begin your healing process and start to move forward. Create a new future. You deserve a joyful life. Even cheaters have choices.

$24.99 Select options