Everyone gets anxious before a big event. Making a major shift from one part of your life to another is what I call a threshold event. It’s normal to feel nervous before a graduation, a job change, or a wedding. A wedding is one of the top three major life adjustments you will ever have to make.
Some people worry that this pre-wedding nervousness is a sign that something is wrong, either with themselves, their partner, or the idea of marriage itself. Most of the time, these nerves are perfectly normal and natural and don’t herald disaster.
How do you know if your nervousness is normal?
1. Ask yourself: Are you nervous about spending the rest of your life with one person? As I said recently in WeddingWire: Relax. You can handle this. Take it one day at a time. Some days are going to be wonderful and filled with joy. Other days (spoiler alert) are gonna totally suck. Most days are just going to be plain old nice. Enjoy them.
Related story: “What People Don’t Share About the First Year of Marriage“
2. Next, being unsure doesn’t mean that you should call off the wedding. The only time a jitter-based intervention is needed? Your fiancé forgets the ring or is cheating with a bridesmaid, stuff like that.
3. Pre-wedding nervousness is fine, even if your friends tell you to call it off. Most friends don’t know your future spouse the way you do. Give them the list: tell them the top 10 things you love about your fiancé. This will remind you why you love them as well.
4. Are you worried about getting married or throwing a big party? Organizing a giant reception is stressful. Let someone else worry about the caterer. You just focus on how you are going to love this person for the rest of your life.
How can you deal with your pre-wedding nervousness?
Don’t be afraid to indulge your jitters. Be nervous. Freak out. Have a drink, take a bath, get your nails done, get a massage. Take care of yourself.
Find a friend or your sister or your mom—someone who can reassure you that everything will be okay. Let them be in charge of the tipsy bridesmaid or the lost ring, and let them check on those caterers.
Finally, remember to breathe. Deep breathing will help calm your entire nervous system and will allow you to think rationally again.
You’re okay. Now go get married.