This New York Times article suggests three lenses through which marriages can be viewed: psychological, romantic and moral. These three factors are common throughout writing by experts on marriage and relationships and can help you find a partner with whom you can have a lasting partnership.
Culturally we’re conditioned to value romantic urges over compatibility or common goals. The most stable relationships, however, are between people who are compatible in more than one aspect. We’re also less common today than in the past to find commonality in the area of virtues and morals.
The three lenses are operating at different levels: personality, emotions, the level of the virtues and the vices. The first two lenses are very common in our culture — in bookstores, songs and in movies. But the moral lens, with its view of marriage as a binding moral project, is less common. Maybe that’s one of the reasons the quality of the average marriage is in decline.
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