Make Time for Sex or You Won’t Get It - Dr. Tammy Nelson blog, “The New Monogamy”

If You Don’t Make Time For Sex, You May Not Get It

Make Time for Sex or You Won’t Get It - Dr. Tammy Nelson blog, “The New Monogamy”

Recent articles (like this one by Ian Kerner on CNN) have been talking about the phenomenon that people in the U.S. today are having less sex than in previous decades.

Why Are People Having Less Sex?

A variety of reasons have been identified for the decrease in sexual activity.

One reason? Parenthood later in life means people have less energy to both parent and to have sex, especially since modern parenting includes more direct involvement in children’s lives.

Health is another factor in decreased sex drives. Many medications have sexual side effects, and chronic conditions like diabetes and cancer can directly or indirectly affect a person’s sex life.

Technology is also often blamed for a reduction in the amount of direct conversation people have and the attention they give to one another. This leads to a major disconnect that shows up in the bedroom.

Related story: “What You Can Do To Increase Your Sexual Desire”

Does Sex Always Need to be Spontaneous?

Don’t want to become a statistic?

You can still have a passionate sex life. One way is to plan sex dates on a regular basis. Especially in the midst of incredibly hectic and demanding lifestyles, couples may need to deliberately set aside sacred and dedicated time for sex.

Many people prefer sex to be spontaneous, but too often, there’s no time and what they are really referring to is “impulsive sex,” not spontaneous. Many of us are too busy, too tired, too distracted to initiate or to respond to our impulse to have sex when we feel it.

If you and your partner designate at least one night a week as a sex date night, you can actually make the space for spontaneity to happen.

I know it sounds counterintuitive – if you schedule sex, how is that spontaneous? What you’re actually scheduling is a night free from other distractions and responsibilities, in which the focus can be on the erotic component of your relationship. Forget about the day to day stress for an hour or two. This can lead to lots of spontaneous pleasurable ideas.

You don’t have to have sex if that’s just not feeling right. But you do have to focus on spending pleasurable intimate time together.

Make Space and Time for Sex…and Make it Sacred

Imagine taking a bubble bath together (if your tub is big enough), candlelight flickering, a glass of wine in each of your hands…you gaze into each other’s eyes and remember what your early days together were like.

You begin to feel a flicker of excitement and you realize that your partner has begun to move toward you just as you started to reach for them. You both put your glasses down on the side of the tub and embrace one another feverishly…and you can take it from there.

You have to make the space for sex to be able to happen. That often means carving out sacred time from your schedule and not letting anything short of a life-or-death emergency get in the way of it happening.

Related story: “Does Your Bedroom Need an Erotic Makeover?”

Your erotic life is an essential part of your relationship and it is your responsibility to cultivate it. Just expecting the sex part to take care of itself might be a recipe for neglect.

I share other ways to help you and your partner have the sex life you desire in my book, Getting the Sex You Want. Get it today.

Make time for sex so you and your partner can reconnect erotically and your entire relationship will re-blossom.

  1. Upwealthy
    | Reply

    We need to take out time for love. We are always so busy with our work we hardly take out time for our partner. Taking out time is important. Thanks for sharing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *