It’s not enough to block same sex marriage, social conservatives are now (quietly) trying to restrict divorce. Should couples who are no longer happy and healthy in their marriages be forced to stay married, eventually resorting to infidelity or a host of other damaging acts? Certainly, divorce has become a feared and sometimes damaging process when divorcees take a more combative approach to divorce negotiations. That doesn’t have to be the case though – divorce is one of many transformational processes that couples use to get unstuck. By “stuck” I mean the unconscious collusion that happens between a couple that leads them into crisis and rupture. In the process of becoming conscious through Imago therapy, one path to consciousness for the couple is divorce. I think that for some couples this particular path makes sense, especially given our culture’s emphasis on immediate gratification, pleasure centered choices, low values on long-term committed relationships, and ideas like “a fresh start” and “trying again.”
If you’re a professional or clinician wanting a treatment model for working with couples in divorce or anyone who wants to focus on the conscious work of letting go, download my two-part teleclass The Intentional Divorce: A New Frontier. Being intentional with couples around their rituals, negotiations, and decisions about ending the marriage significantly improves the couple’s chance of ending the relationship emotionally intact, rather than succumbing to the cultural default of lawyers and litigation and turmoil. Using principles of Imago Therapy, this course explores and provides therapists with new ways to work with couples in an effort to have an intentional, conscious, and positive divorce during and after which the individuals, their children, and their families are healthy and whole.
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