Failed relationships are inevitable

Many view divorce, or the ending of a relationship, as a failure. I like to reframe that thinking into a changing of the relationship. You will always have a relationship to that person, as long as your memory of your shared experiences lasts. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to reflect on your relationship with honor and respect for what it was?

Many people have an instinctual emotional response to the word ‘failure’. I’m intrigued by this article about failure in business and I think it’s premise could be applied to relationships as well.

you probably are working toward something: a new position at work, being a good dad or mom, starting a business. Whatever it is, I can promise you that you will fail at some point. That’s ok. Failing is normal and inevitable. Remind yourself of that daily.

The author provides three bits of advice for responding to failure so you’ll eventually succeed.

1. Don’t Overreact – Don’t spend the rest of your life moping and grieving the failure. There’s no room for growth or success if you’re trapped in the emotions of failure.

2. Don’t Pretend Everything is OK – People who develop deeply intimate emotional connections do so through vulnerability. Hiding your disappointment behind a facade of “everything is ok” will only keep everyone who could connect with you and help you heal in this moment at arms length.

3. Take Responsibility, Don’t Blame Others – When counseling couples through recovery after an affair, I encourage both partners to recognize their contribution to the relationship before the affair. Examining the road to this point in time helps to prevent history from repeating itself. It can even help to steer the couple in the direction of teamwork working towards success.