Here’s a sneak peek from my new book, The New Monogamy:
Maintaining and Expanding
Relationships, like most of life, are constantly growing and changing. Some people are more comfortable with avoiding change, and as long as things stay the same, they feel happy or at least stable. Other people love the idea of constantly expanding, trying new things and actively changing their lifestyles to reflect their
evolving values.
Both styles of being in a relationship have limitations. Maintainers-people who tend to want to avoid change-are stabilizers. They like to keep the peace and find ways to avoid chaos. They are good at finding one thing they like and doing it well, becoming an expert, but they may feel stuck and can find it hard to move forward in their lives without stress.
Maintainers will be happy in a relationship that doesn’t expand or grow, even if some parts of it are unsatisfying, because it feels comfortable, and they are unlikely to create or ask for dramatic change. Expanders-those who seek out change-find new and creative ways to live their lives, always pushing the edge and looking for new things to try.
Yet they may find that their wish for excitement and change can create conflict in relationships when they get bored with the status quo and find themselves wanting to shake things up. If these two types are in a relationship together, they may find that their different needs and wants in the relationship can be a source of friction and misunderstanding.
Not surprisingly, maintainers and expanders have a way of finding one another and ending up in a relationship together. Maintainers can be attracted to expanders’ exciting and vibrant approach to life, and expanders can be attracted to maintainers’ stability and balanced viewpoints.
Excerpt (Page 99 through 100; Chapter 4) from The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship after Infidelity, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., by Tammy Nelson, PhD with permission
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