Conflict leads to the power struggle. Sex might be used now as a way to prove that you are not getting enough of what you want, or maybe it is a way to hold out on your partner until they give you what you need. Sex is no longer spontaneous and an expression of desire, lust and feelings for your partner. It is complicated. And begins to lose its lush enticement.
At this point in the relationship, many couples either continue the fighting, or go into the maintenance phase of sex – its good, its ok, but its not awesome. You may know how to push each others buttons, but the heat is gone.
This maintenance phase can lead to one of three places – you can either fall asleep and accept that this will be your relationship life forever. Or two, you can split off all of your erotic energy outside of the relationship, which might lead to an affair, or at least internet trawling.
The third option might be better.
It starts with erotic curiousity.
Rest assured that your partner is tired of being asleep too. If they had an active fantasy life once, it is probably still there, but snoozing. What do you think they are desiring? What still turns them on? Can you get curious about them? Do you wonder?