You don’t want sex, but your partner does

One of the most common reasons couples seek sex therapy is because of a difference in desire: one person wants sex but the other person doesn’t. It can be really frustrating both physically and emotionally for the partner who desires sexual connection. Sometimes it’s even frustrating for the partner who doesn’t want sex, but wants a happy, healthy, satisfying relationship.

So what do you do when your partner wants sex but you’re not in the mood? I shared some insight and advice with Ashley Papa, FOX News Magazine Contributor for this article.

Many couples use sex as a language of love. Feeling wanted sexually makes people feel loved and wanted emotionally, says sex therapist Dr. Tammy Nelson. “Feeling rejected for sex may make a person feel like they aren’t wanted, or even that they aren’t loved,” she says. “If you don’t feel like having sex, your partner may interpret that as you not wanting them.”

“There may be a time when having sex even when you aren’t in the mood is a gift for your partner,” says Nelson. “Having sex even if you aren’t feeling desire can trigger arousal, and then the sex can turn into a positive thing for the relationship.”

And if you just don’t feel like having sex at all, offer a rain-check. Making a “sex date” for later on will keep your partner feeling wanted and give you both something to look forward to.

My friend and colleague Ian Kerner author of She Comes First, contributed to the article as well. Ian suggests sharing with your partner the reasons why you’re not in the mood and reassuring them that you still find them attractive. “Don’t just say ‘not now,'” Kerner explains. “Often, there is no conversation about why one partner isn’t in the mood. Be honest about being stressed, having too much on your mind, or ‘not feeling sexy right now.’ You don’t want your partner to feel it’s their fault for the lack of desire,” he says. Check out Ian’s website at

Read the full article on What to Do When Your Partner Wants Sex But You’re Not in the Mood

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