Couples and Sex

For most couples sex is development.  Not elemental, my dear Watson, but developmental. 

Early in a relationship, sex feels like everything.  It makes or breaks the decision to stay or go.  It sucks you in or spits you out (so to speak).  It helps you connect to a partner in ways that move you beyond and deeper into emotional attachment.  And it can bind the commitment that leads to long term marriage or partnership.

Later in a relationship it becomes the glue that keeps the wheels turning.  It expresses love, frustration, score keeping, apologies, forgiveness.  Sex can be rewarding or frustrating, fullfill all of your fantasies, or be your own secret disappointment.  You can fake it till you make it, or you can keep faking it and hope your partner never finds out.

But eventually sex will either dry up (so to speak) or stay juicy.  Staying juicy has nothing to do with bodily fluids or lubrication.  Juicy sex is spicy, passionate and has everything to do with communication.  And by communication I mean the kind that happens after the kids go to bed, or move out, or when no one else is around but you and your lover.  Communication that happens when you whisper in your partners ear, when you cry in their arms, when you crawl into bed and slide into that space that no one else holds for you but them…thats the communication that sexual intimacy creates.

And the developmental stages of a relationship can go from flaming hot, to steamy, to juicy, to tender, to intimate, to fragile, to distant, to affectionate and back again – hundreds of times. 

Trust in the phases of your sex life.  Know that all relationships go through stages and that sex is developmental just like all growth stages in life.  Talk to your partner about where you are at, and what you long for. 

Maybe its time for some new growth.


For more info:  Come see Dr Tammy Nelson LIVE –

Couples Therapy and Sexuality: Public Lecture Friday April 23 and Training for Therapists Saturday April 24, 20109 a.m. – 5 p.m. in ATLANTA GEORGIA

Public Lecture $20 Saturday Workshop: $90 Register for both: $100
For more information and to register go to:
or contact

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